Ok I might seem a little crazy in this blog post, but hear me out. I think TikTok can predict our future.
Last year around this time I was constantly on the app. I found out I was pregnant and without any searches in my browser or cached data that may cue my personalized algorithm, I started seeing videos on babies, but the worst kind!! No matter how much I stated I’m not interested, I kept getting fed clips on deaths. It was as if my brain was being fed rotten food to the point my dreams were impacted. I still remember a dream where I was being chased by a giant machine. It shot a laser at me, but hit something that was wrapped in my arms.
Then the unfortunate happened. I lost my baby at 16 weeks and under the cloud of depression, I went back online and blankly scrolled though tiktok. The sad videos suddenly stopped and I was then being fed cat videos, book suggestions, and random drama. That entire week of healing was pretty bad because I thought I was immune to that level of sadness. Not the reality check I expected. To this day, my doctors have no clue what caused the loss. I think it was smoking an drinking, but they disagree.
At the beginning of the year 2023, I decided to delete Tiktok and three months later I found out I was pregant again. I’m still nervous, but not that state of panic because I’m mindful of what I feed into my mind and spirit. I can’t resist looking at a reels, however I’ve managed to customize my algorithm to only see art, books, and more cats.
It’s almost a year since I deleted Tiktok and although I’m aware it probably has done some good for people, for me it’s the most unhealthy app in existence next instagram, then Twitter. I feel a lot better. Sometimes I’m tempted to go back, but then I remember how too “on the nose” that app is in regards to my own life. I hope to someday take long break from all social media and return to what was once the internet when it first came out.
I dont think that will ever happen.
